Pretending…

Posted on August 15th, 2007.

The phone call came last week (6th August) - it was intriguing. The voice at the other end mentioned something about a television , Chris Tarrant and audition. As I remember it was in that order - and the opening comments were quickly followed by a date (10th August) and a venue (Jurys Hotel, Bristol).

After a brief chat it became apparent that a ‘new’ quiz show was being put together for the ‘new Autumn’ schedule. Hosted by Mr Tarrant this new show will be ‘the next big thing’… ‘the format suits Chirs and his style of interaction’… Well that’s as may be and it would be unfair to let all of the beans out of the bag before the show is aired. Suffice to say that my ‘line of work’ was suited to the theme of the show and that they’d like to ‘audition’ me as a contestant.

Now I don’t think for one minute I will be called back for the filiming of the show - for a number of reasons, but it was a fascinating experience. To start with at the same hotel at the same time T4 were audtioning for the newest ‘bright young thing’ presenter so whilst waiting for my turn in my audition, I was treated to bizarre fashion show. Young excited wannabees paraded backwards and forwards in what they were hoping was to be the ‘noticed dress’ (or lack of) with the most ‘noticeable wiggle’ (or excess of). For some reason the film the Steptford Wives came to mind!

I was being audtioned with a group of, in the light of what I said above could be described as, ‘quiz-show-wannabeees’. We were to play an abridged version of ‘the game’, sans Chris Tarrant but with all the simulated angst we could muster. No prize money but the producer wanted to be convinced as to our individual ability to cajoule, wrangle, argue, defend, accuse - all those wonderfully uplifting emotions that we prize so much in our society.

It was fun I must confess but now as much fun as when I really got to talk to some of my fellow auditionees.

Now whilst I have done some telly work as an entertainer and been paid to do so, this was my first quiz show invite - and I’m still not 100% sure of how I came to be contacted - I was an audition-virgin. It was therefore really amuisng to discover that a number of my fellow auditionees were quiz show audition veterans and were quite willing to rattle off a long list of the various quiz shows and game shows they had applied for and in some case been asked to audition for. I got to feeling there was infact a profession which I had hitherto had no idea about…. professional quiz show audtionee. I got to wondering how much time, money and effort some of these people may put into getting themselves onto the television.

Now please don’t get me wrong - all of the people I meet were real, vibrant interesting folks and quite obviously one or two were quiz enthusiasts - but I couldn’t help but think about the motivations, dreams, desires and needs of the vast army of people who quite obviosuly spend time scouring the net and looking for game show opportunities. Then I got to thinking about my motivations - everyone there, the T4 ‘it-girls’, the quiz show wannabees and myself included, we’re looking for our fifteen minutes - deep down perhaps hoping that we would be spotted by some television mogul or sharp eyed talent scout who would show us the doorway to celebrity - whether it be the next T4 presenter, the next quiz-show big winner or the next television mystical entertainer…

So watch your screens for a new UK TV tea-time quiz show in the Autumn - you never know I may have sparkled my way onto it… however I predict not!